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Derek Brownjohn |
Personal details (the usual rubbish...)
Born 9.6.60 in Lusaka, Zambia. Height: 1.68m. Weight: 67kg. I figure if I use metric there's less chance of people knowing what a shortarse I am. Job: Ahem. Research assistant in the Department of Applied Maths and Theoretical Physics at the University of Cambridge.
Player you think you are
Quick striker with a composed finish and astute footballing brain which makes up for an occasional lack of technique.
Player other people think you are
Plodding forward with poor touch and vision whose finishing is reminiscent of Campbell's left foot at it's worst. No comment about any other similarities with Souper Kev and any of his supposed attributes. Frequently criticised by the boss for being vocally disadvantaged.
Favourite moment in football (watching)
1 minute from time, Anfield, 26th May 1989. Sadly I have to admit nothing else in my life has come close to replicating the feeling I experienced when Michael Thomas scored that goal. Even when I was squeezed against the crush barrier and thought I might be about to die, I was still deliriously happy.
Favourite moment in football (when you were playing)
Also sad to say, probably when Skeels put away the second goal against Internet Hotspurs, which I'd helped create.
Most embarrassing moment (when you were playing)
Two of them probably. Losing 17-0 twice. For different teams, once when a mate of mine was playing for the opposition. Though it also has to be said that the Skeels celebration after scoring in the Scum game was pretty mortifying to watch. I seem to recall him and Rose rolling about on the ground doing unmentionable things to each other.
Most hated Scum player (ie. Tottenham Hotspur)
Teddy Sheringham. Don't know why, there's just something about him that causes the bile to rise and a normally calm, rational person turn into a foaming at the mouth lunatic.
Most hated Scum player (ie. Internet Hotspur)
Dunno, one faceless misguided donkey looks much like any other to me.
Nastiest injury
Football: Broken cheekbone. Otherwise: That time when I gave my baby brother a kitchen knife, and he ....
Greatest moment of Cybury career
Personally speaking, scoring twice on my debut for the Gooners, especially as both goals were described as Wright-like finishes. It's been downhill ever since. However, obviously the victory over the Internet Scum has to be mentioned.
Football-related claim to fame
Well, I belong to the same diving club as the ex-Cambridge United, now Peterborough goalkeeper (who also briefly played in the Premiership for Swindon on loan), Jon Sheffield once did. Don't think he ever got past the novice stage though. Diving, that is. Errm, that's about it.
Will appearing in a glossy national magazine change your life?
Well it might have if I appeared in it at all. Obviously I looked too normal for them to print any photographs of me.
How many Darren Skeelses are there?
Judging by the .net article, about 27. In real life, there are in fact 4. Two footballing incarnations, one of which played against Internet Spurs and scored twice, and the other which plays in other games and misses open goals with alarming regularity. There is also his carefully cultivated net identity, "Birds, booze and fags", and finally the person who only appears in the company of his girlfriend - polite, meek and mild.
Have you got a home page on the web? If so, what address?
http://www.damtp.cam.ac.uk/user/dpb/