Two-Nil To the Cybury
Net Luddites will describe it as 'sad'. They're probably right too: a bunch of wannabe dreamers pulling on their favourite team's colours, and fantasising about how it would feel to REALLY play for the Arsenal. But Hell hath no fury like a Gooner scorned, and with the result of the official North London Derby game going against us the day before, any sense of humour about the Internet Hotspur/Cybury Gooners clash disappeared faster than Spurs' respect for Jurgen Klinsmann did last summer.
There had been talk among the several hundred Arsenal supporters who form the (entirely unofficial) Internet forum of setting up some sort of team. We could e-mail the game, but could we play the game? But when we heard last summer that a group of Tottenham fans had put a team together, we knew it was time.
After four months of irregular training sessions and limited match practice, the fixture was set for the Sunday following the Spurs/Arsenal game on 18 November. The atmosphere in the changing room at the somewhat incongruous St Albans City FC stadium was intense and focussed. We knew this was our chance to avenge the previous day's result - for ourselves, for the mailing list, and let's face it - for the whole of N5.
The two teams followed very contrasting strategies: the Spurs boys began by sitting in a circle on the pitch, apparently meditating, whilst the Gooners played 'Hunt the Power Socket' so they could take the field to the sound of 'Go West', but without success. The teams posed for the obligatory team photos - separately, and battle commenced.
For two rag-tag teams of amateurs, the game was of surprisingly high quality, and mirrored the tight intensity of classic derby games. The Gooners were just about edging it as half time approached - when a five minute spell finished the game with 45 minutes still to play. As every pundit will tell you, the 44th minute is the worst time to concede a goal. So when Darren Skeels hit the top corner of the net from the edge of the box, Spurs coach Ivan Cohen must have known he had a tough task ahead of him at half time. Needless to say, the ball had not fallen back to Earth before the singing of '1-0 to the Arsenal' began.
But a simple setback became a disaster before the half ended, as Adam Rose crossed from the right and found Skeels - who claims to have had a promising career with Luton Town schoolboys until he discovered 'birds, fags and booze' - on the penalty spot, and the deficit rose to two. The joy on Cybury's bench was surely audible in the Marble Halls themselves, and the passionate strains of 'walking in a Ske-els wonderland' didn't betray the disappointingly small number of Gooners in the stands.
The second half was equally tight, and the expected difference in fitness didn't give the Tottenham team the boost they needed. Skeels might have had a hat-trick, and Rose managed to put a shot over the bar from all of three yards. But the handshakes which followed the final whistle were totally genuine - perhaps football really WAS the winner on the day.
Claims by Dr Cohen that we'd be 'decent blokes if it wasn't for the colour of the shirts' we wore were surely exaggerated - but everyone left happy. The Spurs fans could claim that it was all a bit pathetic, and that the only result that mattered was the Premiership game. Cybury naturally will always describe this particular manifestation of the 'virtual community' aspect of the Internet in reality as a fascinating and important event in both sporting and computing history.
Thesis by Simon Dickson
Internet Hotspurs vs Cybury Gooners Sun 19th Nov 1995
at St Albans City Football Ground, Clarence Park, St Albans
Teams
Cybury: Ingles; King, Fullman, Northcott (c), Vince; Dick, Adebowale,
Rose, Melis; Brownjohn, Skeels
Subs: Doherty (Melis 75), Dickson, Shulman, Powell, Reibsheid
I.Spurs: D Rabin; Haskoll, Leslie, Goldsmith (c), Goodrich; Rosen,
Drabwell, Pattison, Mahl; Carlsson, Brown
Subs: Cohen (Goodrich 45), N Rabin (Carlsson 57),
Cherrett (Rosen 75)
Result : Internet Spurs (0) 0 Cybury Gooners (2) 2
Scorers: Skeels 40,44
Bookings: Drabwell
Att : 40ish
Referee : Kosher one from the Diadora league
After the shocking result of the previous day, it was all the more crucial that the Internerd ((c) M Winnett) representatives of the glorious Gunners put one over their opponents from up the road. And before a ball (or Sperz player) had been kicked, the plan for victory took an early knock. Midfield generalissimo Mark Williams was ruled out having damaged knee ligaments the previous Friday, and first choice striker (no more) Gary Roberts failed to show up.
Fortunately, the traditionally indominatable Arse spirit lived up to expectations, replacements Mel Melis and Adam Rose more than made up for the loss, and a hard fought game ultimately resulted in a comfortable avenging victory. Indeed, metaphorically the Gooners went 1-0 up before kick-off when the captains met for the toss and exchanged pennants. Skipper Pete Northcott gave the Spurts captain an Arsenal flag giving the full list of club honours, and received a handshake in return.
On a fine autumn afternoon perfect for football, the early skirmishes were inconclusive, including the face up between Melis and the Spurs midfield hatchet man who clearly models himself on a cross between Fat boy Gazza and Vinnie Jones, with a bizarre hairstyle, second rate line in backchat and generously upholstered torso. A series of fouls eventually got him booked by the ref, a real one who did a fair job. As he claimed to be a Chelsea fan he should have been reasonably unbiased, but he seemed surprisingly competent too.
Straight from the kick-off, a Sperz attack down the right gave keeper Chris Ingles an early feel (twice over, just to make sure) of the ball, and in the opening ten minutes the wary Gooners allowed the opposition to enjoy more of the ball. However, it wasn't long before the better team began to show it's stuff, and it was the Spurts keeper who was soon the busier.
Melis picked up a loose clearance about 25 yards out and looped in a shot which the keeper did well to palm away from the top corner. A series of corners was won with some good attacking play down the flanks, particularly the right, where fullback Mark 'The Gaffer' King linked well with Rose and striker Derek Brownjohn. The ball though, wouldn't quite run following one or two close calls in the opponents' area.
At the other end there were a couple of dangerous breaks, but the final ball in was always dealt with comfortably by the outstanding Gooners defence. The only real scare came during a scramble in the box, but the danger was snuffed out as keeper Ingles made himself Filthy with a brave plunge amidst flying boots to grab the ball.
Meanwhile the Gooners attack was getting closer and closer to a goal. Brownjohn just failed to get his head to a beautifully chipped through ball from Malcolm Dick, before about five minutes from half time Cybury took a deserved lead. A free kick lifted into the box from the right bounced around the area dangerously before popping up nicely on the 18 yard line to be lashed on the volley over the keeper and into the top corner by the exultant Darren Skeels, who had demonstrated the seriousness of the occasion by leaving his booze and fags in the dressing room.
The obligatory chant of "One-nil to the Arsenal" arose from the terraces, or at least from the subs bench and the assembled mass of about 5 Cybury supporters. And not long afterwards it was "Two-nil", as a superbly constructed move brought the second goal. Brownjohn picked up the ball in midfield and set off towards goal, before laying it off to Rose, making a great run in space on his right. A perfectly delivered ball in then found Skeels sliding in at the near post and he slotted his second goal home with aplomb. His attempted impression of a Wright celebration was less impressive, and ended in a collapse to the ground more reminiscent of a heifer with BSE.
The expected second half assault from the Internet Sperz never materialized, and in fact for the most part it was the Gooners who dominated and created all the best chances. The central midfield pairing of Dick and Alan Adebowale maintained control while in central defence Captain Pete and Tony Fullman dealt easily with anything Spurs could throw at them, ably abetted by fullbacks King Zorro and Keith Vince. As is traditional it was the Lilley-livered whites who resorted to frequent use of the offside trap, aided by the Sperz representative patrolling the line in that half of the pitch, whereas the Gooners needed the award of only two offside decisions all match by the admirably unbiased Matt Powell.
Cybury should really have added to their lead. Skeels missed his chance for a hattrick, shooting just over after picking up a fluffed goal kick and Adebowale went close a couple of times with shots from outside the area. The closest they came was as Rose went in bravely for a through ball with the keeper and managed to toe end it past him. As it rolled agonisingly slowly towards goal, Brownjohn exhibited his sloth-like reactions following up, and the opposition hacker did well to just nick the ball off his toe on the goal line and concede a corner.
Skeels later was equally unlucky, nicking the ball past the keeper as they collided only to see it roll inches the wrong side of the post. The Gooners final chance late in the match came from a lovely cross in from the left by Adebowale. Brownjohn "dummied" a free header about 8 yards out which allowed the ball to carry through to Rose running in behind, but on his wrong foot the ball sailed just over the bar.
During the second half Internet Spurs made full use of their agreed quota of subs, while Cybury were content with bringing on Mike Doherty in place of Mel Melis on the left. On the heavy pitch the fresh legs might have made a difference, but despite some late pressure in the final few minutes and frequent but necessary incursions onto the pitch by bucket and sponge man Shulman (dirty northern b......s), the Gooners held on for a comfortable and famous victory.
It was a win based on the best Arsenal tradition of solid defence allied to controlled and accurate passing in midfield, and topped off with a goal-poacher supreme up front. The defence as a unit was absolutely superb on the day, and the first clean sheet in our short history was never seriously threatened. Alan and Malcolm kept an iron grip in midfield, while Adam and Mel posed consistent threats down the flanks. And up front, well, Darren done the business, and I "did a lot of running", to quote the Gaffer.
After the game the dressing room resounded to full throated renditions of various favourites, to which the other lot could only muster a half hearted riposte of "Nayim, from the halfway line", and that was soon silenced by "Skeelsy, from the 6yd line". Shame about the champagne which mostly ended up on the ceiling, but while for those of us who played, it could never quite make up for the previous day, it did go some of the way towards redeeming the weekend.
Report by Derek Brownjohn
Internet Hotspurs (0) 0 - 2 (2) Cybury Gooners
Skeels(2)
Crowd: About 50
Cybury Team: Chris; Mark K, Tony, Peter(C), Keith; Adam, Al, Malcolm,
Mel (Mike D, 75 mins); Darren, Derek.
The early stages were very tight, with a few tackles flying in! Howe ver there were few clear-cut chances. The donkey-like Scum No.9 was well-marshalled by Tony and, although they threatened a few times down our left, Mel and Keith stuck to their tasks admirably. As the half went on we started to get on top with Al and Malcolm working well together in midfield. Against that, Scum won a few corners which we defended well - Chris on one occasion making an outstandingly brave save diving head first onto the boots of two scummers. However our silky smooth play through midfield (shome mishtake shurely? - George Graham) started to rattle them - with their neanderthal left midfield player getting booked after putting himself about a bit. But, due to the many surplus stone he was carrying, he soon faded. This allowed player-manager Mark King to get more into the game down the right flank where he set up several good opportunities with pin point crosses.
Their keeper had already made a couple of good saves when we went one up just before half time. The ball came out to the edge of the box where Darren "Birds, Fags and Booze" crashed a volley into the top corner. Then, right on half-time, complete ecstasy for the watching hordes as Darren capitalised on a defensive mix-up to prod the ball home.
The second half was quite comfortable as we tightened our vice-like grip on the match. Plenty of corners and free kicks saw us go close on a few occasions. Adam, in particular, was very unlucky to see a brave effort cleared off the line. Al, who by now was dominating the centre of the park with Malcolm, also saw several long range efforts go close.
Tottenham threatened briefly during the middle of the half after they had substituted their donkey - but Chris still did not have a save to make thanks to some excellent defending by the disciplined back four (but, unfortunately, we only had one off-side to show for our efforts!).
Mike D. came on for the last 15 minutes to replace the tiring Mel Melis - who had run himself into the ground in the cause - and further shut up shop. Nevertheless, we were still unlucky not to get any more, Derek using the space he was given to dangerous effect.
Then - it was all over - we had won!!!! Honour had been restored. Particular mention must go to our loyal and vocal supporters - who really made a difference: we knew we were doing it for them (and you out there on the list who couldn't make it). Thank you.
Celebrations continued long into the afternoon. Two-nil to the Arsenal!
Well played everyone.
Report by Pete "Captain Pete's Ball" Northcott